When all you've got is hope 🌱
Issue #72
These last few months, I’ve read countless tweets and memes and captions and newsletters about how it’s okay to be unproductive during these unprecedented times; that simply surviving is enough of an accomplishment. While I appreciate the sentiment, I can’t quite relate. The truth, which I am almost embarrassed to admit, is that I have been using this quarantine to get. shit. done.
The biggest thing on my to-do list was the first draft of a new novel. I started a robust outline back in October, thinking through plot and story and character. I don’t remember exactly when I started writing in earnest - sometime in the new year - but on February 25th I tweeted that I’d just reached 5,000 words, which felt like a turning point. A few weeks later lockdown began and my progress took off.
Right now, my draft sits at roughly 74,000 words, which means a lot has happened between then and now. (Understatement of the year? Probably!!!) If I keep the same pace that carried me through the last few months, I’ll have a finished draft by the time I send my next newsletter.
Which means I will have written THREE novels in my 30s, a number that feels impossible, exhilarating, and slightly depressing. (All three books remain unpublished, but that’s a newsletter for another day.) Each book has taught me countless lessons not just about writing, but about patience, commitment, and most of all hope. (Again: three novels, no book deals. And yet I keep trying!!!)
A few weeks ago, a friend moved back to coastal North Carolina from Colorado because it’s a better place to ride out COVID-19, which appears to be here for the long haul. Last weekend we met on the beach at dusk for her birthday, our blankets a safe distance from one another, and celebrated while sipping drinks as the stars blinked into view. At one point, she said I should start a business teaching people how to be productive, and I laughed. “I don’t really have advice or strategies,” I said. “I just… sort of… do things???”
Of course, there’s more to it than that. The real reason I'm able to write a novel, stick to a meditation practice, and exercise every day during a pandemic is nothing more thrilling than run-of-the-mill anxiety. I like to be in control, and when the world retreats more deeply into shambles, as it is wont to do, I cope with writing projects and meal plans and budgeting apps. It's why I try so hard not to think about what comes after a project is finished - I can't control whether a book is published, only whether it gets written.
This need for control is something I've known about myself for a long time, but it's come into sharper relief as we grapple with a global pandemic and fight for social justice. I can't control our leaders or their responses, but I can wear a mask and stay six feet apart. I can't erase centuries of racism, but I can sign petitions and attend protests and donate money.
Last week in Wilmington, after years of debate, a local park honoring a violent white supremacist was given a new name, one that instead honors the tall pine trees that soar over its walking paths and picnic areas. As I looked at photos of the old sign coming down, I felt so much hope. We can't change the past, but we can choose a better future. We can't control the world, but we can help steer our communities toward justice. A single sentence might not make a difference, but string enough of them together and you might just end up with a book.
The hardest part of getting shit done isn't productivity or consistency. It's maintaining hope that this time will be different. That trying, again and again, matters. That it will make a difference. 💛
Snack of the Week
Yesterday, at a very tiny outdoor gathering to celebrate her wife's birthday, my friend Katie made Minimalist Baker's 1-Bowl Vegan Funfetti Cupcakes, and they were so good! I don't know what it is about funfetti, but it seems so much more festive than other flavors and especially suited for birthdays. Other benefits of cupcakes during a pandemic: individually portioned, self-serve, and no plates or utensils required. Truly a treat that can do it all!
Relatable Reads
Newsletter alert! 🚨 Brady Gerber's "7 for Seven" is a new-to-me newsletter that curates 7 links on writing and creativity each week. I really like his charming lo-fi doodles and occasional interviews with other writers. Sign up here.
I've Protested for Racial Justice. Do I Have to Post on Social Media? New York Times. "In moments of moral change, people shift from merely recognizing a wrong to wanting to do something about it. And what drives that shift is, in part, a sense that those who don’t contribute to change aren’t just not doing something good; they’re forfeiting their entitlement to the respect of those around them." ✊🏽
How the Babysitter's Club Raised a Generation, Vox. "[The books] existed to give their young readers a safe, secure, and unchanging space. And to do as much, they needed to be just a little bit terrible." I read the BSC series voraciously as a preteen and absolutely loved the new Netflix series. This Vox piece examining the books' legacy was perfect. 📚
Should We Be Drinking Less? New York Times. I've been slowly cutting back on my drinking (with the exception of April, because pandemic) and it's been a nice change of pace. This article is further proof that I'm on the right path. 🥂
A Tiny Challenge
Hit reply and tell me something that makes you feel hopeful. I'll start: one of , and I can't wait to see and support the positive change she'll make in her new city.
See you in two weeks! 💌
✨⭐️💫
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