This is not where I thought I'd end up 🎠
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When I sprained my ankle last July, I thought I’d be out of commission for a few weeks at most. As the months wore on, I slowly made my way back to yoga, to spin, to the weight room, but I still couldn’t run. There was something about pushing forward on my foot that felt painful, nearly impossible. Summer passed, then fall, then winter. When I drove around town and saw runners trotting down sidewalks and streets, I felt resentment. When I learned it would take surgery and six months of recovery to fix my torn cartilage, I cried for an entire day. Since my life is not currently conducive to surgery, I finally accepted my new reality: I am no longer a runner.
Let’s be honest: this is not some great tragedy. As a runner I was mediocre, comfortably ensconced in the middle of the pack. But running was the perfect sport for someone like me. It was easy to track my progress, to see the miles pile up and watch my speed increase. The start line was clear, the finish line obvious. Training plans were clearly spelled out, diligently entered into my color-coded Google Calendar.
These days, other activities have taken running’s place. (Exercise is my therapy - if I don’t sweat regularly, bad things happen.) I go to indoor spin classes, lift weights, practice yoga, walk my dog three miles a day. I haven't, however, found a way to measure and track these types of workouts, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I don't always need a rigid plan, a number to hit, a goal to achieve. When I show up at the YMCA, I’m at the mercy of the instructors and the people around me. “How’s everyone’s energy today?” the yoga instructor asks. If we appear low, she leads a restorative class, more time spent on the floor, our bodies bending in unison.
As a runner I was an individual, charting my own path through the neighborhood. Now, I’m part of a group sharing an experience. It’s not bad or better; just different. Another way of being. A reminder that it's never too late to change, to be part of something new. 💛
🍳 Snack of the Week 🍳
Very recently, our chickens started laying again. We have ten hens, so you'd think we'd be swimming in eggs. Not so! Their laying cycle is tied to the amount of the light they see, so when the days are long and dark, they stop laying. Some chicken owners will put an artificial light in the coop to trick their bodies into laying all winter long, but I'd rather let the ladies take a break. If there's one thing I am continually trying to learn, it's that you can't be productive all the time.
Relatable Reads
"I Am 35 and Running Faster Than I Ever Thought Possible," New York Times. "We don’t have many opportunities later in life to change who we are, without worrying about what other people think or upending wherever we’ve landed in our lives. We especially don’t have a lot of ways to do that physically. I had internalized a narrative about my body — that once I turned 30, there might not be much to look forward to. I didn’t know the opposite could be true." Speaking of change!!! This whole thing is so beautiful I'm tempted to tattoo it on my body. ⏳
"What is a Personal Life, and Can I Have One?", Man Repeller. "We’re like an open concept office with free snacks and scooters but no where to take phone calls and cry." Reading this made me realize all my hobbies have a performative aspect, which feels not-great!!! 😔
"A Habit is Just a Streak that Goes on Forever," Forge. "You’re already good at creating streaks. How many weeks in a row have you checked Instagram or Twitter or a news website? When’s the last time you didn’t have coffee in the morning? You have the ability to create a routine — why not use this skill toward something meaningful to you?" A great and motivating article by my internet fave . 📅
A Tiny Challenge
We're a few weeks into 2020 and habits - good and bad - are beginning to solidify. This week, ask yourself: do I like where I'm headed? If the answer is no, not really, I'm not sure, remember: even a slight shift in direction now can mean a totally different destination later.
See you next Sunday! 💌
PS: Thanks to Nicole O. for last Sunday's coffee! It was a long week with a lot of deadlines, so I was extra grateful for the support. 💖
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