Choose your own adventure. I dare you.
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I spent this past week with my sister and her family, who live in New Jersey. My nephew just turned 18 months old and, since I didn’t see him for the holidays, a late February visit felt necessary.
During our visit, I learned the theme song to Rainbow Rangers, which is apparently a children’s show about climate change? I also played endless games of “put the plastic fruits in the shopping cart and take them out again,” “bang the xylophone,” and “catch me before I fall off the couch.” By the end of the trip, I was happy but exhausted, filled to the brim with tiny hugs and rare cuddles and long babbling conversations. On the plane home, as I drank a water no one wanted to stick their fingers in and read a book without interruption, I thought about children and my decision to have zero of them.
Most people my age have children, making me the exception to the rule. (This, of course, is my preference, and I feel deeply for those who want children but, for whatever reason, cannot or do not have them.) While everyone else is busy raising the next generation, I am... not. My house is clean, serene, and quiet. I spend hours each weekend reading on the couch or writing my newsletter, going to the gym whenever I want, focusing on my various projects and hobbies and interests. I take great pleasure in my lifestyle, and can you blame me?
Because I’m a reformed Catholic, this pleasure quickly mutates into guilt. I feel like I’m having too much fun compared to everyone else, and I must do something big and important to make up for my selfishness. I need people to look at me and think, “She did not have children, but she did write many wonderful books.” Or, “She did not have children, but she did volunteer her ample free time for important causes.”
Which is a dumb impulse, of course. We don’t need to earn our existence or prove ourselves worthy of our choices. There isn't one way to live a Good and Worthy Life. The world need parents, yes, but it also needs weird aunts and dear friends and good neighbors. Choosing the roles you will and won't play is a part of life. Some might even say it's the best part. 💛
🌱 Plant of the Week 🌱
Have you ever bought a plant, not knowing exactly what it is or what it will grow into? That's what happened with this plant which, according to the tag originally affixed to it, is an orchid cactus. I had never heard of an orchid cactus and after Googling it, I'm not sure if that tag was correct. But the plant gets good light in my kitchen, and I keep watering it, and it's growing these long, skinny things at the end of its leaves, so I guess we'll see what happens?
Relatable Reads
"She Wanted a 'Freebirth' With No Doctors. Online Groups Convinced Her It Would Be Okay," NBC News. This is a really sad and scary read, and a powerful reminder of the havoc ill-informed online communities can wreak. TW for pregnancy loss. 💔
"Loving Elizabeth Warren Means Having a Plan for When America Breaks Your Heart," Washington Post. If there's one thing Warren has taught me, it's that you've got to have a plan. 🇺🇸
"What We Lose by Hiring Someone to Pick Up Our Avocados for Us," New York Times. "The act of turning grocery shopping into an occupation threatens something larger — we are losing a way to bridge differences in a world already collapsing from its stratification." 🥑
"The Ghost Ship that Didn't Carry Us," Dear Sugar. This is my favorite Dear Sugar column of all time. It's about the decision to have children, and so much more. ⛵️
A Tiny Challenge
Primary season is in full swing, and the most "electable" candidate is the ONE WE ELECT! This week, take 5 seconds and make sure your voter registration is up to date, and then make a plan to vote.
See you next Sunday! 💌
PS: Thank you to Ted G. and Abby C. for filling my coffee cup last week! I spent it all in New Jersey at the Dunkin' Donuts, which was a huge reason I was able to keep up with my nephew.
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