Welcome to So Relatable, a bi-weekly newsletter featuring conversations about the creative process, updates on my writing projects, suggestions for nourishing yourself, and great links to keep you inspired. Want a more formal introduction? Here you go!
Also: this week’s Relatable Reads are curated by Hurley Winkler of Lonely Victories, an occasional newsletter about writing and reading that I always enjoy!
As of today, I’ve been writing this newsletter for THREE YEARS. That’s a lot of time to spend on something that doesn’t make any money (besides the occasional tip), grows very slowly (thanks for subscribing, by the way!), and lacks an exit strategy or end game (sorry to Substack, but I’m not going paid).
Personally, I love milestones. They’re a great opportunity to reflect and take stock, to dig a tiny bit deeper than usual. Today, that means thinking less about the how and the what of this newsletter, and more about the why and the who. As in: Why do I write this thing every other week? And who, exactly, is it for?
I once read about a shady yet effective sales tactic. When a prospect is lukewarm or about to end a call, the salesperson sighs and says, with a trace of pity, “That’s okay. Not everyone gets it.” Nine times out of ten, the prospect will become defensive and agree to a demo, just to prove them wrong. That phrase—“Not everyone gets it”—is so effective because it capitalizes on our desire to be different, to be special. To be seen as the rarefied few who do.
This strategy might work for sales, but art is a different story. On the contrary: trying to make sure everyone “gets it” is the worst possible goal you could have.
For me, art is a tool that can build connection and community, a way to share an experience or an idea, to invitation to see the world differently. I’m good at writing and I enjoy it, so that’s the tool I use.
But there are limits to writing. For example, some people don’t like to read, which means I probably won’t connect with them. Or maybe they love to read, but only hard sci-fi. Others are moved by music, transformed by film, captivated by theater, engrossed by paintings. Art comes in endless forms, and the way we respond to it isn’t a reflection of the work, but of ourselves.
This newsletter I’m writing, the novel I’m working on, the stories I’ve published—not everyone will get it, and not everyone should. The challenge of making what you love, the joy of it, is finding the rarefied few who do.
So thank you for being here—week after week, month after month, year after year. You get it. What a gift.
On that note…
Introducing: Can You Relate?
After three years of newslettering, multiple unpublished novels, one MFA, and four decades of life, I’ve learned a few things about the creative process. Which means it’s time for an advice column!
“Can You Relate?” is an opportunity to ask me your questions about writing, art, craft, audience-building, work-life balance, and the zen of publishing. Need a book recommendation, a pep talk, or help with your snack situation? Wondering if an MFA is worth it, whether you should start a newsletter, or how to keep trying when commercial success remains elusive? Now’s your chance!
You can submit your questions (anonymously, of course) here. Depending on how many questions I get, this might be a one-time event, an occasional series, or something we never speak of again! 💌
Snack of the Week
Last weekend I made lasagna soup which, while delicious, is NOT photogenic. Luckily I turned the leftover veggies into these much prettier zucchini sunflower seed muffins. The recipe came from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian, which I’ve been turning to more frequently. I like that his instructions are not super prescriptive and include endless variations and a “use what you have” mentality. Less food waste, more snacks. Truly a win-win.
Relatable Reads by Hurley Winkler
Hi! I'm Hurley and I write Lonely Victories, a newsletter for writers and readers. I pack each issue with tips for writers, book recommendations, and celebrations of readers' recent writing wins. Thanks, Chrissy, for having me here to recommend some Relatable Reads!
My Young Mind Was Disturbed By a Book. It Changed My Life. NYT (gift link!) Author Viet Thahn Nguyen offers a fresh take on what happens when books get banned. A book that devastated him as a child later inspired him in part to write his novel The Sympathizer, which won the Pulitzer Prize. "Banning books," he writes, "is a shortcut that leads us to the wrong destination."
I May Not Look Like a "Respectable" Teacher, But I'm a Good One, Catapult. As a writing professor myself, I constantly interrogate my appearance in the classroom—do I seem "respectable" enough to my students? Edgar Gomez, author of the new memoir High-Risk Homosexual, asks that same question in this essay, answering it with a vintage vest, a pearl necklace, and a lasting message about the value of being yourself.
Want to Be a Writer? Get Your Training as a Wedding Planner, NYT (gift link!) I frequently nerd out in my newsletter about skills from other careers that also apply to the writing process. Author Xochitl Gonzalez recounts her 13 years as a wedding planner as the perfect novel-writing crash course. (Also, I just got an email that her debut novel, Olga Dies Dreaming, is on hold for me at the library. I can't wait to pick up my copy and dig in.)
The Radical Woman Behind Goodnight Moon, The New Yorker. This deep dive into the life of children's book author Margaret Wise Brown is a juicy one, riddled with enchantment and darkness. When she got her first royalty check, she blew the whole thing on a cartload of flowers and invited friends over to enjoy the blooms. She later became romantically involved with a woman and moved across the hall from her, sharing a butler named Pietro. At her gravesite, her headstone reads, "Writer of Songs and Nonsense." I now want to learn everything there is to know about this fascinating woman.
After 600 Years, Swiss City at Last Has a Woman on Night Watch, NYT (gift link!) I would read an entire book about the mission of Cassandra Berdoz. The 28-year-old is Lausanne's first female night watch guard—who knew that job existed in 2022?—which has been Berdoz's dream since she was a child. This quirky career profile is a Trojan horse for an entire feminist movement.
Coffee Club
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This came at a key time for me -- I'm getting my own newsletter off the ground, and I simultaneously want to make it good and do *not* want to follow a typical Substack model (narrow focus + paid subscriptions + clear branding). I think Substack is thinking of content producers in a wider sense -- I've heard them describing this as the home of our media empire -- but some of us don't want media empires, but a space for expression, connection, and play.
Congrats on 3 years! Time flies when you are having fun. Thanks for recommending Lonely Victories newsletter. I'm always on the lookout for other writing and reading newsletters since I write a reading adjacent newsletter about books and reading.