No time like the present for a spiritual crisis!
Issue #66
This past week, my tenth of staying home and social distancing, I started meditating. I downloaded a free app called “Waking Up” because when I’m learning something new, I prefer a plan. The app contains 50 guided meditations, to be practiced once a day, which feels quite manageable. I’m currently on day 5, and so far I am terrible at it.
This comes as no surprise - I expected to be terrible. I don’t like sitting still, don’t like idleness, and while I understand the work of meditation is interior, I’ve never been able to wrap my head around it. “Running is my meditation,” I claimed for years, and while I sometimes entered a meditative state while logging miles, I was also logging miles - multitasking, even while seeking enlightenment.
The fact that meditation is hard and I'm bad at is probably proof that it's a skill I should learn. It would be helpful to occasionally quiet my mind and focus my thoughts, to feel less anxious and sit in the present moment, instead of constantly opening a new tab or thinking about my next meal.
I also want to meditate for spiritual reasons which, as an atheist, feels weird to admit. I was raised Catholic, so spirituality, to me, means going to a house of worship and taking part in various sacraments. It’s a series of rules and rituals that must be followed to win the ultimate prize - eternal life after this one, in a place that isn’t here.
Meditation, I'm learning, is different. You don’t rely on an authority figure to tell you what to do or how to act. You don’t go to a building and put in your time to guarantee a spot in some pearly afterlife. Meditation isn't about what comes next. It’s about giving all your attention to the world right now, and fully experiencing your place in it.
Last week, I wrote about to suit our new reality. I didn’t realize it then, but meditation is part of that revision. What I hope to gain from this new practice is the ability to let go of any rigid ideas I had about the life I imagined, and to see the world for what it is. To sit on a cushion in a dark room for ten minutes before I’ve even had my coffee and return, as often as I can, to my breath, even as my thoughts and worries and daydreams intrude.
I don't feel like I've made much progress over the last five days, but there are 45 sessions left, and a lifetime after that. I'm excited to see how I change and grow as time goes on. Honestly, I'm open to anything. 💛
Snack of the Week
This week I'm featuring a multi-talented treat - a plant that is also a snack!!! The little victory garden we planted at the beginning of quarantine is finally starting to take off, beginning with our peppers. This one will eventually be a red fellow, and we also have some jalapeños making their debut. In the front yard, we planted 12-foot sunflowers. They're only about six inches tall now, but I have high hopes. (GET IT?) At any rate, growing your groceries is fun and highly recommended.
Relatable Reads
Buying Things is the American Way. Could COVID-19 Change That?, BuzzFeed News. “In this moment, the primary tension in America is how, and when, life is going to 'return to normal.' But that 'normal' was an economy that, even before COVID-19, was built on a form of consumption that felt compulsory, with household debt as normalized as the exploitative work conditions that make those daily consumption habits possible.” 💸
Want to be a More Ethical Plant Parent? A Biologist Answers 4 Questions You Didn’t Think to Ask, Apartment Therapy. This article explains why it's better to get your houseplant fix at your favorite local nursery rather than the grocery store. 🌸
The End of Meat is Here, New York Times. I've been a vegetarian for 20 years. For something so important to me, I don't talk about it much - to each her own, etc. But it's become increasingly clear that the level of meat consumption in America particularly is unsustainable, and hurts much and many more than "just" the animals. This is worth a read, no matter what you think or how you eat. 🐮
Zen and the Act of Washing Dishes, Semi-Rad. This incredible graphic essay contains a zen parable about washing dishes that I first came across years ago and have thought about at least once a week since. The fact that it showed up again just as I started meditating is a little too perfect. 💦
A Tiny Challenge
Have you heard of Jami Attenberg's 1000 Words of Summer? It's "a five-thousand strong community of writers of all levels who are all supporting each other to write 1000 words a day for two weeks every summer since 2018. The 2020 session will be from May 29 - June 11." I'm in a good groove with my current draft (just hit 39K words!) and this feels like perfect timing. Want to join me? Sign up here and let me know so we cheer each other on!
See you next Sunday! 💌
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