The pleasure of slow progress
Things might seen small or insignificant in the moment. But I promise, they're not. It all adds up.
Welcome to So Relatable, a bi-weekly newsletter featuring conversations about the creative process, suggestions for nourishing yourself, and inspiring links. I’m glad you’re here!
Lately I’ve been thinking about the power of minor improvements and modest progress, the kind of incremental change that few people appreciate in the moment. It’s the speed at which I naturally operate, the kind of forward journey I’m best at making.
For example: I’m now lifting 15 pound dumbbells, after realizing my tiny new muscles are no longer challenged by my tens. I’m still meditating almost every morning, and occasionally a whole minute will go by where I don’t think about anything but my breath. I just started revising my third book and I already like it better than the first two I wrote, almost as if the point of my previous efforts was not to publish a novel, but to learn how they work. Nearly all my hobbies require considerable patience, which might sound boring but I truly don’t mind. There is pleasure in both the process and the progress.
The catch, of course, is that the pleasure is all mine. In a world where we’re taught to shout life’s big accomplishments from the virtual rooftops, slow progress and small wins don’t make much of a splash. I might feel great about figuring out the opening line of my novel, or moving a scene from chapter 7 to chapter 3, but I generally keep these accomplishments to myself. A book deal is all people care about, and that’s a shame.
In some ways, this kind of incremental growth is a salve in a world that prizes bigger and faster. I work in the tech sector where the conversations are always about how to scale and expand, as if each company is a shark that will die if it stops swimming for even a second. Sometimes I sit back and wonder when it will be enough. Is there a point when a business decides it’s too big? That it has plenty of customers, plenty of money, plenty of prestige? Probably not, because capitalism doesn’t work that way. But we aren’t businesses, and we shouldn’t measure our value in those terms. Maybe the work in which we find the most pleasure - a morning run, a perfect sentence, a single, sublime exhale - doesn’t need to have value in that world.
Part of the reason I’ve been thinking about this is because, like most people, living during a pandemic has made my life smaller and slower. At first I mourned the changes, the canceled plans, the isolation. But lately I’ve been trying to look at it from another angle and appreciate the consistency of my days. To notice how making a little bit of progress, over and over, can accumulate.
In 2020 I’ve written more, read more, and exercised more. I’ve consumed less alcohol and more protein. I’ve turned my house into a home (and an office, and a gym, and a coffee shop, and…) My goals and values have come into sharper view; I see more clearly who I am, and who I want to be. These changes were so gradual that I barely noticed them at the time. But when I look at where I started compared to where I stand, the distance makes my jaw drop.
In the days and months and years ahead, I will inevitably become greedy and impatient again, envying the success of others and beating myself up for not doing or being or having more. I’ll want to make a big splash, to shout the news of a huge win, to create something of tangible value. When that happens, I will do my best to remember the power of a single step. How, if we walk a little bit every day, we can end up in a place we never saw coming.
Snack of the Week
Just in case you forgot, Halloween is this Saturday! I’m not a huge Halloween person (Thanksgiving is my preferred holiday, and yes, I’ve already started planning my menu) but I'm making an effort this year to celebrate whenever possible. So far, I’ve carved a pumpkin and indulged in one too many Reese’s Peanut Butter Pumpkins, which is a good start. Hopefully this week will offer up a few more spooky opportunities. And if not, well, I have plenty more Reese’s.
Relatable Reads
How I Found the Time to Write a Book, Creators Hub. “No matter what your life looks like, there is some way to find writing time. Whatever works doesn’t have to work forever.” The idea that your habits should evolve with your life should not feel quite so profound, and yet! ⏰
In Praise of Wholesome Activities, GQ. “Activities are not as stressful as I’d previously thought. Or at least—at a time when even a trip to the grocery store requires planning and carries a built-in social anxiety—they’re not any more stressful than leaving the house during a pandemic already is.” 🌲
Big Things Start Small: How Substack Sparked its Early Community of Writers, Get Together. “By serving everyone, you serve no one. Without a clear focus, efforts get muddled. Substack avoided that trap. They got cognitively clear on who their first early allies would be: professional writers.” This is a delightful case study on how to build a community (and reminds me of The Art of Gathering). It’s also a great rundown of why I switched to Substack. 👯♀️
Exciting news: my MFA alma mater, UNCW, is transforming their annual Writers Week into a virtual symposium. I helped organize this event as a student, continue to attend as a community member, and am so excited to experience the conversations, craft talks, and readings in a new format! Did I mention it's free to attend? View the full schedule and register here. 🌈
A Tiny Goal
The next time I send this newsletter, it will be November 8th and the US election will be over (hopefully - you never know). If you’re an American, your goal this week is to vote like your life depends on it, because so many lives do. (And when I say “vote” I mean “vote for Biden,” just in case that wasn’t clear.) Let’s hope that when we meet here again in two weeks, America has taken one small step toward something better.
Until then! 💌
Coffee Club
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