5 Things I Learned in 2023
Lessons in friendship, aging, money, justice, and art.
Welcome to So Relatable, a bi-weekly newsletter that helps creative folks improve their craft, achieve their goals, and eat better snacks. I’m glad you’re here! ✨
It’s the last day of 2023!
After a tough few years, 2023 was the one where things started to turn around. With three years of PA school and a pandemic behind us, we finally had the time and energy to focus on everything we’d put on hold—finishing a few big projects, prioritizing relationships, traveling to new places, and watching our net worth inch up instead of plummet down.
I’m not quite ready to share my goals, dreams, and themes for the coming year. Instead, let’s look back at the biggest lessons I learned in 2023.
Friendship is an active verb. This was the year I thought deeply about community and got intentional about nurturing mine. Instead of waiting for someone else to organize an event or plan a party, I sent the invitations. Instead of wishing I could get to know someone better, I asked more questions. A friendship in motion stays in motion, so I traveled between Wilmington and Charlotte for my goal setting club, spent a weekend in Cary for the best ninth birthday party ever, adventured in Montana with two dear friends to celebrate the wedding of another, booked a beach house for an MFA reunion next summer, and attended/organized many smaller outings, which included fancy cocktails, coffee shop dates, rock climbing sessions, pizza parties, one Creative Retreat, and many group runs—to name a few. I’m heading into 2024 feeling connected and content, and looking forward to many more adventures with the community I’ve built.
Age is relative. The general narrative around getting older, at least for women, is that it’s all downhill after 35. This has not been my experience at all. At the tender age of 41, I still feel powerful and full of potential. One small example of this: back in February, we started going to the indoor climbing gym. I hadn’t climbed in 20 years and was not very good, but making incremental progress, figuring out new routes, learning the lingo, and cheering on my friends is some of the best fun I’ve had all year. It’s never too late to pick up a new hobby or learn a new skill. Your years are not deadlines for your dreams; each decade brings different gifts.
It’s okay to spend money. Thanks to a general distrust of capitalism and a lifetime of financial instability, I’ve always been a frugal person. But the truths of our youth don’t always reflect who we are now, and spending money—especially when it aligns with my values—can be a good thing. (This is why my dear friend Emma coined 2023 the year of “Rich Chrissy.”) Wealth, like age, is relative. I still don’t care about jewelry or manicures, I love a packed lunch, and my budget remains sacred. But memberships to the yoga studio and the climbing gym? A second trip to Italy? A nice dinner out with my favorite friends? Sweaters and shoes that don’t fall apart after three wears? A round of drinks on me? Rich Chrissy has it covered, and I’m grateful for her generosity.
Always say yes to jury duty. Serving on a murder trial was not on my list of 2023 goals, but it was a profound experience that changed the way I view our justice system. If you’re ever offered a front row seat via the jury box, take it—for yourself, your community, and the system, however flawed, of which we are all a vital part.
That thing you love is just one thing. 2023 was another year in which I didn’t get a book deal, though not for lack of trying. The difference this time is that I stopped expecting writing to give my life meaning and purpose. (Dramatic, I know.) I’m a writer, but I’m also a wife, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a volunteer, a colleague, a neighbor, a YMCA member, an overplanner, a reader, a gardener, an early riser, a dog walker—you get the picture. Getting published would be nice, but it won’t legitimize my existence. I get to do that on my own. (This is a lesson I’m still learning, to be honest, but we all start somewhere.)
Overall, 2023 was a very good year with a lot to be thankful for. Cheers to 2024—I can’t wait to see what we’ll learn next.
Snack Break
For New Year’s Eve, we originally planned to go out for a nice dinner, but all our favorite restaurants are doing super-pricey prix fixe menus. Instead, we hit up Sea Level City Vegan Diner on Friday night for our last restaurant meal of 2023. I went big with the kale nachos and a Tropical Lightning IPA, an iconic Wilmington combo. Tonight, we’ll be staying in with a fancy bottle of wine, making butternut squash ravioli from scratch, and falling asleep long before midnight. See you in 2024! 🪩
Relatable Recommendations
Reading: Just finished Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, which is about how different groups (some cults, some cult-like) wield language to influence their followers. Naturally, my favorite section covered corporate America, and reminded me of my all time favorite Vulture essay, about “garbage language.”
Watching: After many recommendations, we finally started Sex Education, and I am now obsessed. Also: while researching Gillian Anderson’s accent I discovered we share a birthday, which I find utterly delightful.
Growing: Thanks to some Type-A friends, I’m now putting my entire life in Notion. I downloaded a template specifically for garden planning and spent the last week getting organized. 2024 is going to be so fruitful!
Eating: Liquids, mostly—December is always the booziest month. Looking forward to taking it down a few notches in January and giving my liver a much-needed break.
Feeling: Very excited for a new planner, updated spreadsheets, Notion, and a bunch of fresh goals. The New Year is basically my Super Bowl.
Coffee Club Contributions
Thanks to Ted G. for ending my year on a high note!
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👋 About Me: I’m Chrissy Hennessey, an enthusiastic snacker and native New Yorker living in coastal North Carolina, where I stayed after earning my MFA in 2014. My writing has appeared in a decent number of journals, I’ve received fellowships to some fancy residencies, and I’ve written three novels, all currently unpublished! This newsletter is a passion project I started in 2019 as a way to connect with readers and writers, share my creative journey, and build a community. Thank you for being here!
PS: At the end of each year, I donate 20% of anything I earn from this newsletter. I appreciate your support!
"Friendship is an active verb" — loved this! Building community was also a big theme for me in 2023. I feel you on #5 — spent a lot of time this past year querying my first novel and learning a lot about how to handle rejection/keep writing/be creative just for the joy of it.
Chrissy, #5 is the spirit in which I enter 2024. I'm reassessing the value I've given to publishing vs writing, working to detach from the former and become more intentional with the latter. I recognize the near-miracle of having two novels in the world and the near-agony of all the years spent trying for more. I lost something of myself along the way and I'm determined that this is the year I reclaim me. Good for you for recognizing you are whole without "the book deal". xoxo