Give and take (but mostly give)

Community, creativity, and building a future together.

Welcome to So Relatable, a bi-weekly newsletter that helps creative folks improve their craft, achieve their goals, and eat better snacks. I’m glad you’re here! ✨

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“Community” has become a bit of a buzzword lately, at least in my circles. It seems like everyone is talking about it, thinking about it, grappling with it, and with good reason. We’ve been through a lot these last few years, and what we need and want from other people is constantly evolving.

One thing most of us can all agree on is that community = good. Having people who care about us, show up for us, and celebrate with us makes life better. But it’s important to remember that “good” is not the same thing as “easy.”

I recently read Mia Birdsong’s book How We Show Up (recommended by Erica, a beloved member of my community!) In the first few chapters, Birdsong asks: 

What does it really mean to be in deep, close community? What form does it take? Who is included and why? How much of my life do I have to let go of to make room for the kinds of relationships I want?

Easy questions to ask. Harder to answer.

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Looking back at my own life, I felt the strongest sense of community during my MFA program. For those three years, friendship was easy. We all arrived in a new city at the same time. We attended the same classes, read the same books, had the same goals. Since graduating nearly ten years ago, I’ve stayed close with some of those friends, while others have drifted away. Without the scaffolding of school, our community slowly splintered. It was easy to build, but just as easy to crumble.

Community, the kind that lasts, requires thought and care. As someone who has chosen to be childfree, whose family of origin is far away, I’m trying to be more intentional about nurturing and my relationships and building a different kind of community. Here’s Birdsong, again:

Creating relationships and connection outside the arrangements that our current culture presents to us can be exciting and liberating. We get to be creative, coming up with new ways to understand our connections to others and new ways of connecting. We get to throw out what we’ve learned to want and discover what we actually want and need. We get to uncover ways of belonging and loving that we didn’t see before.

I think about my goal setting club, the way we honor and celebrate each other’s ambitions, no matter how big or small. My nephews and the children of my best friends, and how we’re forming our own relationships. The coworkers with whom I laugh and gossip and commiserate, who make corporate life bearable. The poll workers I see once or twice a year, when we pull a fifteen-hour shift on election day. The meal train for a dear friend’s sister, because loving you means loving your people, too. The food co-op and yoga studio and YMCA and book club. Our annual Craft Retreat, when we rent a house on a lake with a group of girlfriends for two days of art, yoga, hiking, and hanging out. This newsletter, ostensibly about writing, but where I feel comfortable going on wild tangents like this one, knowing at least half of you will keep reading. 

It’s not perfect, of course. Each of these communities, each of these connections, gives and takes. Children can and do try my patience; careers are a byproduct of capitalism; poll working is an absolute slog; writing takes time and energy. Sometimes I over-commit to my communities, and then I over-correct.

That’s when I remind myself: community is fun and hard and good, often at the same time. Community is building a history together, which is the surest way to build a future.

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Snack Break

For our 11th wedding anniversary, my husband and I took an unexpected staycation in nearby Carolina Beach. (Full story here.) It ended up being a great two days of beautiful views, delicious food, precious relaxation, and cutthroat games of Scrabble and disc golf. (Love means taking every opportunity to crush your opponent beloved.) One of my favorite meals was this final breakfast at Malama Cafe, which we enjoyed in a picturesque beam of morning light.

I don’t think we’ll make this an annual tradition, but I’m happy to report that CB will forever hold a special place in my heart. 🐚

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Relatable Recommendations

• Reading: I just finished The Rachel Incident, by Caroline O’Donoghue, which was fun and fast. If you like Sally Rooney, this book scratches that itch.

• Watching: The new season of Fargo, a perfect winter show.

• Clicking: Staying on theme: My friend Kat recently wrote about searching for community in her life, and Erica also wrote about friendship a few months ago. I’m here for this trend! 

• Eating: Leftoversgiving, a new holiday tradition that takes place the Saturday after Thanksgiving—mark your calendars for next year. Homemade pizza parties with friends. Pumpkin pie porters and peppermint tea. Raspberries, straight from the garden.

• Feeling: Cozy.

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👋 About Me: I’m Chrissy Hennessey, an enthusiastic snacker and native New Yorker living in coastal North Carolina, where I stayed after earning my MFA in 2014. My writing has appeared in a decent number of journals, I’ve received fellowships to some fancy residencies, and I’ve written three novels, all currently unpublished! This newsletter is a passion project I started in 2019 as a way to connect with readers and writers, share my creative journey, and build a community. Thank you for being here!

PS: At the end of each year, I donate 20% of anything I earn from this newsletter. I appreciate your support!