How to know if this is "The One"

Committing to my next long-term project, despite my best intentions to date around.

Welcome to So Relatable, a bi-weekly newsletter that helps creative folks improve their craft, achieve their goals, and eat better snacks. I’m glad you’re here! ✨

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When it comes to writing, I’m a serial monogamist.

Ever since I finished writing my most recent book, I’ve been trying to experiment with shorter things—stories, flash fiction, one terrible poem. Don’t jump directly into another long-term relationship, I told myself. This is your opportunity to see what else is out there. Play the field with no expectations, no pressure, no strings. Indulge in a few one-night stands. 

I was barely into my experiment when an idea caught my eye, but it wasn’t a casual short story or a flash fiction fling. This idea was bigger, more complicated. It came with baggage. But once I started thinking about it, I couldn’t stop. All those casual dalliances suddenly felt shallow and unsatisfying. I ghosted a whole folder of potential projects. And now I find myself embarking on the one thing I swore I would avoid: a new book.

What can I say? The heart wants what it wants.  

Even though I love being in a committed relationship, I still need to make sure this idea is The One. We’ve decided to take things slow, just 300 words a day. But instead of small talk, we’re diving right into the big stuff, getting to know each other as quickly as possible, seeing if we’re meant for something more. 

This approach is inspired by

Matt Bell

’s excellent craft book, Refuse to Be Done: How to Write and Revise a Novel in Three Drafts. In it, he outlines a bunch of great exercises to help you muddle through your first draft, even—especially!—if you’re not yet sure what the story is about. My favorite advice, which I’ve completely embraced, is to begin by “Writing the Islands.” As Bell explains:

Instead of writing scene after scene in order (and then and then and then) write the big scenes you already know, no matter how far off they seem. Once those scenes exist on the page, the task then becomes writing between those known destinations, creating bridges to connect these islands… Don’t let not knowing exactly what goes into a scene keep you from writing it.

This strategy is perfect for the stage I’m in. I have an idea for the story, a loose approximation of plot. I know the main characters, more or less, their conflicts and grudges. I have a theme¹, the big idea I want to explore.

Each morning, I wake up for my writing date and commit to visiting an island, to writing 300 words and seeing where they lead. Timelines and inconsistencies don’t matter; nothing is set in stone. Right now I’m just a traveler, testing the waters, meeting the characters, uncovering the plot, and exploring a new world before I fully commit to falling in love. 🏝

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Snack Break

These ice cream sandwiches aren’t a new item at Trader Joe’s—I’d passed them over countless times while reaching for other sweet treats. But October was my month of trying new things (more on that below) and in the spirit of sparks, I threw them in my cart. Friends: why did I wait so long? Coffee ice cream is my favorite, brownie crisp is a miracle of modern science, and the size of these cuties—not quite full, but generous enough—is perfect. Will buy again. ☕️

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October Spark Update

At the beginning of October, I confessed that I was in a creative rut and would spend the next four weeks finding as many “sparks” as possible. Here’s a quick recap of how it went!

• I completed the Mini 1000—1000 words a day, for six days straight. It was exactly what I needed and helped me anchor into this new project. (It also makes 300 words a day feel so achievable in comparison—a good feeling!)

• I tried so many new workouts, both at the YMCA and at various yoga studios around town. I found a new class to add to my regular rotation, plus a hot yoga studio that’s right by my house AND doesn’t appear to be a cult.

• I read the craft book Refuse to be Done, which inspired this issue! I’m also attending the Book Club for Writers, hosted by

  Hurley Winkler
  , later today to discuss it in more detail—major bonus points.

• I wasn’t super creative in the kitchen. I ate a lot of cheese, baked pumpkin bread, and found one new soup recipe. Luckily a girl’s gotta eat, so I have all winter to keep trying.

• I took a day of PTO, but spent most of it relaxing, cleaning, and running errands, with a little writing and reading thrown in. I never regret a day off, but I realized that my creative retreats need to be more structured.

At the end of the month, I’m definitely feeling more creative and less “stuck in a rut.” I’m excited about this new book, I’m still holding out hope for my last one, and I’m about to spend the coldest part of the year doing so much hot yoga. A sparkling October indeed! If you attempted anything similar, hit reply or let me know in the comments.

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Relatable Recommendations

• Reading: I just finished The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store. It took me a little while to get into it, but once I settled into the story (and kept the characters straight) I really enjoyed it.

• Clicking: This brief but fascinating dive into the state of American friendship. Only 38% of Americans have 5+ close friends, and when we’re with our friends, we’re most likely to talk about work, family, and current events. (If you’re one of my 5+ friends—yes, I’m in the lucky minority!—you can add books, snacks, and goals to that list.)

• Feeling: Pretty okay, despite “everything going on,” a woefully inadequate phrase which Ann Friedman explored so well in her most recent newsletter. I hope you’re taking care, too.

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👋 About Me: I’m Chrissy Hennessey, an enthusiastic snacker and native New Yorker living in coastal North Carolina, where I stayed after earning my MFA in 2014. My writing has appeared in a decent number of journals, I’ve received fellowships to some fancy residencies, and I’ve written three novels, all currently unpublished! This newsletter is a passion project I started in 2019 as a way to connect with readers and writers, share my creative journey, and build a community. Thank you for being here!

PS: At the end of each year, I donate 20% of anything I earn from this newsletter. I appreciate your support!

1. The issue linked here is a year old, but the new idea I discuss in it is the same one I’m returning to now. Maybe this relationship has been going on longer than I thought.