Embracing a "not yet" mindset

Literary rejections, learning to surf, and entering my Fun Era.

Aug 27, 2023

Welcome to So Relatable, a bi-weekly newsletter that helps creative folks improve their craft, achieve their goals, and eat better snacks. I’m glad you’re here! ✨

After my July Idea Streak, I was fired up to write something new. I went through all my ideas and moved the ones that felt thematically linked to a new document, which I ambitiously titled “Table of Contents.” (Even when I’m not writing a book, I’m writing a book.) Finally, it was time to write.

I decided to start with flash fiction, something short and weird that wouldn’t take years to perfect—a quick win, as we like to say at work. I wrote the first line on August 1. By August 14, I’d sent the completed piece to a friend for feedback. By August 19, I’d submitted it to a few literary magazines. By August 24, I had my first short story rejection in nearly five years.

This rejection might seem like a crushing disappointment, a clear sign that I moved too fast or expected too much. But instead of taking this “no” as a failure, I’m choosing to view it as a “not yet.”

I don’t like failure. (Hot take, I know.) Nothing is more mortifying than attempting something new or scary and falling flat on your face. What if someone sees you mess up? What if they judge your efforts unkindly? What if you try really, really hard, and you still suck? It’s much safer to avoid even the possibility of failure. To pretend you’re not really interested in that thing, that you actually prefer to keep doing what you’re already good at.

For example: one of the perks my company offers is free surf lessons. (This is what happens when you work at a tech company near the beach.) During my nearly six-year tenure, I’d never once signed up for a lesson. I knew I wouldn’t be a natural (I’m fairly athletic but also extremely clumsy) and if you can’t be good at something right away, what’s the point?

Deep down, though, I wanted to try. Whenever I went to the beach early in the morning, I’d watch the surfers bobbing patiently in the water, their boards carving through the curl once they caught a good wave. “Take a goddamned surf lesson,” I wrote year after year on my list of goals. And then, a few weeks ago, on the cusp of my birthday, I finally did.

As predicted, I was terrible. Exhausted myself just paddling past the break, barely stood up for more than two seconds, tumbled in the surf instead of riding the wave, and could not keep track of my limbs or my board.

And you know what? It was fine. No one laughed at me. No one told me to get out of the water and go home. I wasn’t a natural, but I hadn’t failed. I simply wasn’t good at surfing—yet.

Just like that short story I wrote hasn’t been accepted—yet. Just like my novel hasn’t been published—yet. One tiny word, three little letters, yet so full of possibility and potential.

For the next few months, as I experiment with short stories and wait for good news, as I drive to the beach at sunrise and paddle past the break, I’m going to lean into that word, live by that phrase. I’ll float patiently in the water and look for the white peak of each yet, and when I find one, I’ll ride it all the way to the shore.

Snack Break

Emma came to visit last weekend, which meant I stayed up too late, drank too many glasses of wine, and ate out for almost every meal. By Monday morning I was exhausted, broke, slightly hungover, and very happy. While this wasn’t an official meeting of Girls with Goals, I did have an important realization: I’d gotten my Word of the Year wrong. Originally, I chose “ritual” for many good reasons, and tacked on “fun” as a secondary theme. As it turns out, “fun” has been the reigning word, and this weekend was a great example of my newfound ability to relax, live in the moment, and happily consume four pizzas and a glass of white wine on the roof of bar built out of a shipping container. Fun! 🥂

Relatable Recommendations

Reading: A miracle happened—I finally received my copy of Scammer, Caroline Calloway’s self-published memoir. It’s outrageous, dramatic, and full of typos, and I love it. Say what you want about CC, but that woman knows how to tell a good story.
Clicking: I’m childfree, but I’m also VERY invested in being every child’s favorite adult. These tips from NPR are an excellent aide in that mission. I also enjoyed this meditation on aging from
Christina Pérez
and the beauty that comes from acceptance. This article, about dividing your life into unofficial “semesters” to help you achieve your goals, is very much my jam. And finally, some really nice advice on strengthening your friendships.
Eating: Vegetables, protein, and water on repeat. After celebrating my birthday for three solid weeks, I’m very excited to return to healthy habits.
Feeling: Excited for some FUN September events and a little bit of travel, including a double birthday party, two weddings, and one national park.

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👋 About Me: I’m Chrissy Hennessey, an enthusiastic snacker and native New Yorker living in coastal North Carolina, where I stayed after earning my MFA in 2014. My writing has appeared in a decent number of journals, I’ve received fellowships to some fancy residencies, and I’ve written three novels, all currently unpublished! This newsletter is a passion project I started in 2019 as a way to connect with readers and writers, share my creative journey, and build a community. Thank you for being here!

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