Resolutions are out. Rituals are in.

This year, let's focus on how we want our lives to feel.

Happy New Year! 🎉

Forgive my exuberance, especially if you’re kicking off 2023 with a champagne-induced headache. I can’t help it—I love a new year almost as much as I love my birthday. The fresh start is nice, of course, but I also love the quiet week that comes before it. Reflecting on the past, choosing what to carry forward, opening new tabs in all my spreadsheets, and envisioning how I hope the next twelve months will feel. 

This process, which I take very seriously, isn’t exactly a resolution. I’m not trying to quit a bad habit or buy a bigger house—I’m not thinking that small. To me, the new year is an opportunity to recalibrate my life, so it can provide the time and space to honor my desires, achieve my dreams, and live more authentically. “Stop biting my nails” is fine, but it’s not exactly the beacon toward which I can point my most fervent hopes. 

A single word, on the other hand? Now we’re talking. 

By this point, I’m sure you’ve read enough about how and why people choose a word of the year. (If not, here’s a great workbook to help you discover yours.) 

But choosing a word is just the beginning. You need to also consider how your word can inspire the cornerstones of your life, and think about how you can focus your efforts and activities—day to day, week to week, and month to month—so they honor and align with your chosen word.

I consider my cornerstones Creative, Emotional, Financial, and Physical, but your mileage may vary. Some years, I spend more time on one cornerstone than the others. When I was clawing my way out of debt and searching for a new job, finances were my main focus. In 2020, when I stayed home and wrote a novel, creativity became my refuge. Some seasons, certain cornerstones demand more attention—summer tends to be an emotional time for me, with lots of birthdays and visits to see friends, while winter and spring are good for my physical health—Dry January, new workout classes, more yoga. This is natural—we don’t have to balance everything at once. We can and should shift our attention as needed.

This year, for the first time in a long time, I feel pleasantly balanced. Instead of a long list of lofty goals and ways to improve myself, I want 2023 to be the year I slow down, live in the present, and prioritize pleasure. That’s why my word for this year is Ritual. 

Officially, a ritual is a ceremonial act; a way of doing something in which the same actions are done the same way every time; a ceremony that invokes an aura of continuity, reverence, and awe. 

For me, Ritual is a reminder to pay attention to the patterns of my life. To honor my habits and routines. To see the sacred in my slow morning walk with the dog instead of pulling on his leash, rushing him down the street so I can get to the next part of my day. To remember that there is no next part of my day—there is only the moment I’m in. It’s also a way to invoke more pleasure, enjoyment, and ease in my everyday activities. To do things not because they serve some future purpose, but because I like doing them right now. 

In my creative life, I want to get back to morning pages, waking by 5:15 so I can pour my coffee, open my laptop, and write for a solid hour, whether it’s novel revisions, this newsletter, or something new. I want to read in our library most evenings while music plays softly, a cup of tea or glass of kombucha beside me, the dog at my feet. I want to continue learning Italian, not because it’s useful, but because I find the language achingly beautiful. I want to get home from work and tend the garden, plucking whatever’s ripe and eating it for dinner. 

Emotionally, I want to be a better friend and a better community member. To continue volunteering as a poll worker, with the co-op, and as a member of the library board. I want to host more backyard parties, go to more events, and serve Sunday dinner with cloth napkins and lit candles. I want to travel to see old friends and new places, and also embrace the fact that I live at the beach by eating more oysters, kayaking to the barrier islands, and attempting to surf.

When it comes to my finances, I want to be focused and intentional, to make sure our spending aligns with our values, and to continue the ritual of updating our budget every morning. I want to pay off our substantial student loan debt, reduce our use of plastic, and continue learning new things at my job and advancing in my career.

Physically, I want to honor my body through daily movement, the ritual of regular yoga, and workout classes that feel fun rather than punishing. I want to eat more local vegetables, from our front yard garden and the farmers’ markets. I want to maintain mostly sober weekdays, to drink alcohol when it enhances a moment and not out of idle habit. I want to practice patience, to let things take the time they take, to stop rushing and optimizing and looking for the most efficient method. I want to treat life like a ritual, a series of sacred movements, an opportunity to see things as they are and appreciate them for exactly that.

Here’s to 2023, and all the small moments and memories that await us. Let’s make it a good one, starting here. ✨

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Snack Break

I spent the last week on staycation, which was a great time to relax, catch up on my backlog of newsletters, de-Christmas the house, try out a bunch of new classes at the YMCA, and have afternoon dates with my friends. One of the best was a lunch date at CheeseSmith, my favorite fancy grilled cheese restaurant, which I have featured before and will no doubt feature again. That’s not a resolution—it’s a guarantee. 🧀

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Feedback, Please

Speaking of favorites—as we embark on Season 5 of So Relatable, I’d love to hear what types of issues you like best. Please take this very informal survey and let me know:

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Relatable Recommendations

Note: This section is normally a link round up, but some of the best things I consume are not on the internet. Therefore, I’m tweaking this section so I can share more of what I’m loving at any given moment. I hope you still find it relatable!

Reading: In an effort to expand my literary horizons and experiment with writing thrillers, I read The Woman in the Library. In it, two stories unfold at once—the mystery novel a woman is writing, and that same woman’s correspondence with an overzealous fan who takes his research a little too far. It was a fast, fun read, as much about the writing process as it is about solving a murder.

Watching: The Hulu adaptation of Fleishman is in Trouble, which is one of my favorite novels of all time. The miniseries is faithful to the book, and tells the very poignant, very funny, very interesting story of a man whose ex-wife drops off the kids one morning and never comes back. A great meditation on narrative, point of view, and who gets to be the hero.

Eating: Baked butternut squash pasta for Christmas and many days after (we love leftovers). Black eyed peas, greens, and cornbread to celebrate the start of the new year. Broccoli straight from our garden.

Clicking: Helpful tips to meal plan like a pro; how to know whether you should accept an invitation; strategies to achieve any New Year’s Resolution; a visit to Shangrilogs to read about Kelton’s Word of the Year.

Giving: At the end of every newsletter, I include a link to my virtual “tip jar,” which is how I justify not setting up paid subscriptions, much to Substack’s chagrin. At the end of the year, I donate at least 20% of whatever I earn from your generosity. This year, you contributed a total of $382. I rounded 20% of that up to $100 and used my company match, which means your tips enabled me to donate $200 to Eden Village of Wilmington, a local non-profit building a community of tiny homes for the chronically unhoused. Thank you, as always, for your support! It truly means the world. 💛

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Coffee Club

Thank you to Lesley H. for joining the coffee club and helping me give back!

Want to treat me to a  ☕️ and support So Relatable? 💛 💃 🙌
Venmo: @Christine-Hennessey or PayPal Me.

Can’t afford a contribution? You can also click the ♡ below, forward this to a friend, or share the link on social media. Every little bit helps!

(At the end of 2023, I plan to donate 20% of anything I earn from this newsletter. Thanks for your support!)